A Starry Night
by ditzymagic
Summary: Was it possible to be in love with two people at once? It was a question that had plagued Lily Evans for a very long time. She had been so adamant in her belief that when she would fall in love it would be magical, it would thrilling and it would be singular. But love was heartbreaking, soul-wrenching and the beginning of the end.


A/N:

Written for the International Wizarding School Championship.

School and Year: Durmstrang, Year 3

Theme: Ophiuchus

Prompts: [Setting] Astronomy Tower (Main Prompt), [action] star gazing, [event] Astronomy homework

Word Count: 1560

* * *

_A Starry Night_

Was it possible to be in love with two people at once?

It was a question that had plagued Lily Evans for a very long time. She had been so adamant in her belief that when she would fall in love it would be magical, it would thrilling and it would be _singular_. But love was heartbreaking, soul-wrenching and the beginning of the end.

As the Head Girl, no one questioned what she was doing in the halls of Hogwarts past curfew. Lily had built such a pristine and spotless reputation in her seven years at Hogwarts that no one would believe that Lily was sneaking up to the Astronomy Tower.

As she climbed the stairs, she wondered why she could not be with the person she loved. Because, yes she could be in love with two people at once. But there was still one person she loved a little more than the other.

Lily looked at the lunar chart in her hand and almost regretted not telling James where she would be tonight. If he had known, he would have volunteered to come with her. But even after all these months of dating, Lily could not part ways with the tradition she had had with Severus. Throughout the five years they had been best friends, Lily and Severus had snuck out during the night and come to the Astronomy Tower, with their astronomy homework in tow. Severus would pack a light snack – to this day she had no idea how he had snuck around to the kitchens to do that.

They would usually get done with their homework in an hour or so and then they would lie down to watch the stars. Severus would make up all these ridiculous and false stories about the stars, about every constellation and she would laugh and return the favor.

Since their falling out at the end of the fifth year, Lily had not had the courage to come up to the Tower.

But today was different.

They were graduating Hogwarts in two months and a bout of nostalgia had struck Lily hard when she had been in the library studying for NEWTs. She had been sitting in the table she had usually occupied with Severus during their earlier years. The table now included all of the Marauders and her friends.

It had taken just a moment.

She had seen Severus from a distance sitting alone, working on something. He had been alone and that had not been novel for him, but Lily had just stared at him. She had forgiven him for his ill-spoken and harsh words, but she had not forgiven him for his choices.

As Lily had stared at her former best friend, all the feelings she had buried had risen again. Somewhere along the way, Lily had fallen in love with her best friend and that had been why his betrayal had cut her deep.

Thinking Severus had not wanted her in his life, she had vowed to cut him out of hers. She had started dating James and things had gotten serious.

But that moment in the library had struck her. Especially when Severus had met her gaze with an intensity she had not been expecting.

So here she was, on her way to the Astronomy Tower, clutching her homework and wishing she could turn back time.

When she got there, Lily gazed in shock at the scene before her.

Severus was sprawled on the floor, with his books out in front of him and seemed to be waiting for someone.

Strangely reminiscent of their dozens of previous encounters, Lily slowed her steps.

Severus looked up at her and smiled. His dark gaze held her captive. His smile slid off his face when Lily made no move to greet him. Minutes passed in silence as none of them spoke. The only reason she did not turn away was that she missed him, she missed him so damn much and she did not how to reconcile that with the path her current life had taken.

She watched as Severus tried to control his grimace. He looked at her, frowning in thought.

"Hi, Lily."

She waited for him to say something else but he did not. Realizing she would have to summon the bravery her house was known for, she sat down opposite him.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked bluntly. She admired Severus for not flinching.

"I always come up here," Severus replied, jaw tightening when he saw Lily's mouth was pursed. "I am not the one who stopped coming here."

Lily scowled at him.

"I might be a saint, but I am not a martyr!" Lily snapped at him. "You used to call me that, remember?"

Severus looked grim.

"I did," he replied.

Lily opened her homework and started taking out the charts. For the next fifteen minutes, she worked in silence aware of his brooding gaze.

"I want to apologize for what I said back in fifth yea–" Severus began tersely.

"I already told you that I accepted your apology," Lily cut him off, raising her hand. "We did not have a falling out because you called me an ugly word. We had a falling out because we _believe_ in different things. And you know perfectly well where I stand."

Severus stared at her in silence.

"I know you believe in black and white, Lily. But things are not always as they seem."

Lily rolled her eyes, cursing herself for falling into the same argument with him.

"What part of you being a follower of Dark Arts or a slave of that maniac is supposed to be any less clear to me? The part of Dark Arts that makes it decidedly _dark_ is how people use it to hurt other people. Don't deny it, don't you dare deny it," she retorted.

"Don't be so naïve, Lily!" Severus responded, scowling. "People use good magic to hurt other people too. You don't understand! Magic is intent and you can't just put a label on it!"

Lily tuned him out. Here they were, talking after years and they had already started arguing. She understood him. She understood a lot more than she could say but how could she tell him that his fierce loyalty towards a certain Dark Lord put a strain on her love for him? She loved him, she always would. But there were people who wanted to destroy her very existence because of her blood and Severus had _chosen_ to associate with them.

Lily stared at him for a minute and spoke up–

"Don't insult my intelligence by saying I don't know what is going on. I have noticed the looks, I know they recruited you and you said yes. You did it for yourself. Don't come back to me because you have regrets about our friendship, come back to me because you are done with what them, which isn't possible, is it?"

Severus gazed at her.

"If for a minute, I thought you lov-" he began.

"Too late for that, isn't it?" Lily responded, not looking at him.

"Yes, of course. Potter!" Severus scoffed. "I am all wrong for you anyway."

"You don't get to decide who is wrong for me," she responded. To her ears, she knew it sounded a bit like hope.

Severus straightened and looked at her thoughtfully.

"You are manipulating me," he replied, not sure whether he should be impressed or dismayed. "Too late for that, isn't it?"

All the buried feelings rose inside her and Lily desperately wanted to live in a world where she and Severus were possible. She loved James with all of her heart, but Severus had been her entire universe. She wanted him to give up his path because he wanted to.

But if he did, would he be plagued by the what-ifs and the uncertainty? If he chose her, somewhere down the line would all the bitterness Severus had inside him explode? If he chose her, would she choose _him?_

James was good for her, he made her laugh and truth was that Lily did not know Severus anymore.

"Are you saying it would have worked before?" she asked. "Are you saying I would have been enough for you?"

Severus shook his head and snorted.

"You damn well know the answer to that," he replied.

"No, I don't! You never told me anything," she retorted.

"And you? Would you leave Potter?" Severus asked mockingly.

Lily opened her mouth to reply but she had no answer. She clamped her mouth shut and looked away.

"You can't have it both ways, Lily!" Severus said fiercely.

Lily quelled him with a look.

"Neither can you. You can't have me and be a Death Eater," she whispered.

"Then, what do we do?" he asked helplessly.

Lily reached out to touch his hand and she shifted, lying on the floor.

Several seconds later, Severus lay down beside her.

"Tonight. Just for tonight, we watch the stars and we make up happier stories for them because we can't have one," she whispered hoarsely. "Can we do that?"

Severus merely nodded his head and began telling a story about a princess, a snake, and a sword.

* * *

_-fin-_


End file.
